things that make you go hmmmm...or wanna smoke a cigarette...

you know...you're suppose to have someone you can tell anything to...a lot of people are not fortunate enough to be able to say that they have that...but i can say i do...i have a best friend that i've had since high school...and i've been out of school since 1999...i've known her since i was in elementary school and i'm telling you that i literally do not know where i'd be without her...she has my back in more ways than one...she gives me a good dose of reality when i need it and points me in the right direction when i'm stumbling...

i can be clueless to a situation and she will help me see the light...she has always loved me for me and never changed her opinion of me, especially since i told her about my personal life. she has accepted that even if she doesn't agree with it and has still kept an important role in my life as my "sister"...i always tell her that she's my sister from another mister hahahaha...(when she's really not)...i wish sometimes that i had her outlook on things...

oh well...one can only hope to be so bold!! i need to learn and i mean fast!! hahaha

xoxo,
dee :)

never knowing what to say...

in some situations there are times that i have to step up and be "step-mom" when it comes to discipline. it's not ever fun for me and it ruins my whole day. i never like having to correct anyone, i'd rather enjoy my day and everyone be merry but that's not always the case. especially when you talk to someone that doesn't want to hear what you have to say and could really act like they care less. i would never disrespect my own mother in ways that i've seen certain ones act. i makes me sad and breaks my heart because i know that they know better. i'm gonna hope and pray for the best that i can say something to make them want to change...i can't change them and their opinions about things, they have to want to...i'm hoping that one day, or something i say can make them want to show more respect and actually understand that i'm not trying to be the evil stepmother, i'm trying to care for them and protect them like i should...until next time...

xoxo,
dee

as the story goes...

i haven't posted in a while and a lot has happened over the past few months. things i thought i'd never encounter but i really don't know what i would have done if i didnt have you there beside me...a strength like no other came over me because of you and i don't know if you know this or not but i would have lost everything: my pride, my self-respect, my courage, my strength over all...i wish i could tell you the feeling i have for myself right now. every day i know how lucky i am for you. i never knew the idea of having a companion. however, i do now...it's amazing. i couldn't imagine being where i am right now with anyone but you. i know we are in "trying" times but i know we are gonna be ok. i know we will overcome the obstacles at hand, and any other obstacle that may come our way. i just want you to know i love you and i'm here. i'm here to be the rock to you that you've been to me...i love you!!

xoxo,
dee :)

what i miss...

it all...

the person inside of me trying to scream...

have you ever felt like there was a person inside you screaming to find their way out?? well...i currently having that issue...i really can't express it or even go in to detail as to what or why i have this issue...i guess i have a lot on my mind and i really don't know how to say it?? who knows...maybe i'll figure it out...eventually!!

xoxo
dee

exhausted...

you know you go through certain tests in life, some make you stronger while others make you feel weak...so how much longer am i under the spotlight?? i'm going nuts...i have so much on my mind that i dare not talk about...some of which could wreck lives while others it'll just piss them off. i'm so tired of a lot, i'm so tired of so much stuff that it's ridiculous. i have never in my life been sooooo exhausted...when is it going to ease for me?? can life actually go as i want it to for a change and just let me be happy without any worries whatsoever??? ahhh someone get me a cigarette...

xoxo,
dee :)

i'm sick of it...

so...never did i have to worry about money before, until now...the stupid doctor that i worked for kept me from getting unemployment so i'm starting from scratch all over again. it upsets me to know that i can't get things for my baby like she wants. it upsets me to know when money is needed for the important things, i don't always have it...where is my winning lottery ticket?? i need it right now so i can give my baby and her girls the world and of course pay off my debts. uggghhhh come on now!!!

xoxo,
dee :)